“You don’t build confidence by shouting affirmations in the mirror, but by having a stack of undeniable proof that you are who you say you are.” -Alex Hormozi
This is my single favorite quote on confidence that I have ever seen. Whenever I speak to an athlete, or even an adult, who needs more confidence, I share this idea. Confidence is something built over time by your thoughts, your actual ability, and the talk of the people closest to you, especially at a young age.
The most important person in the world for building your child’s confidence is you. You have the keys when they are young to provide them with everything they need to be confident. As they get older, these 4 ideas will give them the undeniable proof that they are who they think they are.
Improve Ability and Effort
“Confidence comes from preparation.” -Kobe Bryant
Kobe Bryant might be the most confident person to ever walk this Earth. That came from his own desire at a young age to be the best. He never stopped playing; he would go to sleep with a basketball in his hand.
He also never stopped practicing. He practiced his skills, then practiced situations, so that once he hit the basketball court, he had lived through each moment a 1000 times over. It is very rare that the child with the best ability: superb skills + excellent athleticism, isn’t a confident athlete.
As a parent, give your child all the tools to hone their skills through consistent practice. That doesn’t necessarily mean they need to be shuttled from one coach to the next. It means that they need to be given room to grow their skills on their own. They can gravitate toward one sport (or one skill) that they are most interested in. No one can out prepare someone who is doing work for the fun of it. That’s where ability and effort will grow most over time.
Build Strength
Athletes who feel intimidated by the other children around them on the sports field often stop feeling that way when they realize that they are stronger than all or most of the others around them. Think back to when you were in school. Who was the confident athlete? What did they look like? I’m sure they weren’t frail and weak, and I’m sure they weren’t overweight. They were probably fit and strong.
Children can build strength in so many different ways when they are very young: they can climb trees, build forts at home and jump around in them, take gymnastics, or take strength classes. If your child isn’t confident, it will take some time, but formal strength training, especially as they get closer to puberty, is going to be a game changer. If they can lift weights, they are going to feel good about themselves. They can measure that against other athletes in the class or even against other children in their school. Bigger, stronger muscles build confidence more than almost anything else.
Positive Talk
Positive talk, from a very young age is a total game changer for children. Don’t tell them all the reason’s they aren’t good, or successful. Tell them all the ways they are. Hype them up every time they do something well. Don’t just hype them up for the sake of it, but give positive praise whenever they give you an opportunity to.
Scored a goal in soccer? Great. Brushed your teeth without being told? That works too! If you literally start praising your child whenever they’ve earned it, especially if they are not naturally confident, it will make a tremendous difference.
Positive talk needs to come from your child, too. But that comes from you, first. If you’re their biggest supporter, they will learn to be their own supporter. If you criticize them, they will learn to criticize themselves, too.
Self criticism is important, but not yet if a child is naturally self deprecating and unconfident. Teach them confidence and positive self talk first, then you can create a machine (if you and they want) with appropriate self criticism.
And if you find a coach who is constantly bringing kids down rather than lifting them up, especially before High School, run. Switch teams, clubs, whatever can get you away from that coach. Nothing is more damaging to a young athlete than a negative coach.
Give them all the opportunities to develop proof of who they are.
The most powerful thing an athlete, or just any child, can have is undeniable proof of who they are and what their ability is. They aren’t born with that. It takes consistent practice. They need situations where they can win among peers who are around their ability level. And they can’t be overwhelmed consistently. Not yet. Build first, then the (positive) pressure will follow.
Giving attention to a child’s self confidence is probably the most important thing you can do as a parent. It will help them athletically, socially, and professionally as they become adults. It will give them the mindset to achieve all of their goals and dreams. It will give them the chance to show the world who they are and what they are capable of.
And there is nothing more powerful than that.
If you think our program can help create a more confident athlete through strength and speed building, contact us here and set up a performance evaluation!
